They Are All The Same.

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS like a bitch I would know

And you over-think and
Always speak cryptically
I should know
That you're no good for me

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You don't really want to stay, no
But you don't really want to go

We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery

We used to laugh about nothing
But now your plain boring
I should know you're not gonna change

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get it off this ride

~A Katy Perry Song (lyrics describe boys so well)

Realization

Until its far too late,
You realize that you lost.
You realize that you comprised your beliefs for what?
A few moments of complete happiness and lust.

You realize you gave them what they wanted,
And got nothing in return.
You realize they won,
And now- you're alone which nothing but regrets

All for what?
A couple of sensual moments.
A couple of heated nights,
Caught up in hormones and fervor.

Was it worth it?
You'd like to say no,
But the memories are telling you yes.
You'd like to deny it, but that'd just be lies

The way they kissed you so gently,
And held you when you were cold.
For a moment they made you think they cared,
For a moment they made you feel on top of the world

But now all their friends know.
They know what you did.
What happened between the two of you,
And you have to deal with it now by yourself.

The realization is eye opening.
But painful and lonesome
You can't tell anyone what you did
For they wouldn't understand-judge you all the same

Until its far too late,
You realize that you lost.
You realize that you comprised your beliefs for what?
A few moments of complete happiness and lust.

Let's Be Real

I, AnEveryDayGirl, lost my mother to breast cancer November 28th, 2008. Basically, what people do not understand is when a single parent dies you do not just loose a parent, you loose the life you lived. I left my small little town of Waterloo, all my friends, my boyfriend, my school, my house, my community, to integrate to the big city of Toronto where i got lost. I'm not going to get into much about my life, but a year and a half later I continue to deal with the affects of losing my mother. It was just the two of us. She was my life. She is my role model. I watched her fight a strong battle against a vigorous disease, which sadly got the best of her and of me. It stole three and a half years of my childhood. I know I should be angry at the disease but I'm not. I'm mad at my mother. I'm mad for her leaving me to journey through life alone. For not taking care of me. For forcing me to grow up so quickly. I know it's not her fault, but she wasn't hear for the most important parts of my life. She never gets to see me grow up. I have to now go through life without my mother and she doesn't even contact or give me a sign that she watches over me. My mom was my everything. She taught me so many valuable lessons which I'll carry on with me for the rest of my life, but that's all I'll have. Her lessons, her wishes for me, my memories of her. Life's not the same anymore. I live in a new city, with new friends, a new family, a new school. I live a life now where I have no remainders of a life i lived for 13 years. Everyday i wonder what my life would be like if she lived. I wonder who'd i be given the chance. Where I'd be in life right now, if she was still in my life. Though, without watching my mom die I'd never have achieved the inner strength I have to achieve greatness. To make something of myself. Of my life.

A quote from my mother, Denise Ducharme:
"Remember, who cares what the colour of the bridge is. Just enjoy the journey and I'll see you on the other side."
-Denise Ann Ducharme

Life.

"It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"
-Unknown

"In the darkest hour the soul is replenished and given strength to continue and endure"
-Heart Warrior Chosa

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through that horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'"
-Eleanor Roosevelt

The Aftermath

Tears streaming down my face
Memories flowing through my mind
So many days, hours, minutes
Spent with you

I remember when we kissed
Your lip imprint still on mine
The smiles on your face
Put there from something i said
The way our gazes locked
An intensity undeniable

But i remember the goodbye
You changed your mind
I wasn't good enough for you

You asked me to forget
All the kisses
To forget all the smiles
Everything exchanged
Between the "us"
I agreed to let go

But deep down
I thought to myself
I will be waiting for you
This is simply the aftermath

Forever

You told me forever
That i was the one
You told me you loved me
And alone i'd never be

But here i am
Heartbroken and confused
You never gave gave me an answer
For why i wasn't good enough for you

You've hurt me countless times
Left my heart black and blue
You just ran away
Without giving me a clue

You've called me names
And left me in such pain
You blamed me for it all
As you went on to lie you life and let me fall

And you still don't see
That you didn't even deserve me
I let you turn away as i cried
Just like i put up with all the lies

I chose to deny
That there were all those other girls
And that you were their guy
Simply because i loved you enough to compromise

You told me forever
But that never was
You told me you loved me
But in the end i just wasn't enough

How Long Will She Live?

It scares me
The monster that lives inside
It worries me
The test results coming up

The fear eats inside of me
Wondering if she will be here when i wake up
Going through my mind over and over
Did I do enough?

I see her just lying there
So helpless and alone
It brings tears to my eyes just thinking
How long will she live?

I try so very hard
Not to let a tear come out
Because I can't let her see
The true pain she causes me

So I take a deep breath
And put on a fake smile
Because I have to be strong
Or I will surely crumble

The fear eats inside of me
Wondering if she will be here when I wake up
Going through my ming over and over
Did I do enough?

And so I sit here watching her die
When all I can think is why
But I come up short
No answers at all
For why God chose my mom to fall

I see her just lying there
So helpless and in pain
It brings tears to my eyes just thinking
How long will she live

Her Journey's Just Begun

A Poem I recieved at the visitation of my Mother..it was so touching I thought I should carry it on

Don't think of her as gone away-
her journey's just begun,
life holds so many facets-
this earth is only one.

Just think of her as resting
from the sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.

Think how she must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away

And think of her as living
in the hearts of those she touched...
for nothing loved is ever lost-
and she was loved so much

E. Brenneman

Inspiration

Live today like there is no tomorow
Because tomorrow might not become today
Live with both joy and sorrow
Because you might not feel again this way
Love with simple mind and humble heart
Because your love will be returned
Love the lost who are torn apart
Because the light of love can be learned
Reconize the precious time of life and love
Live today like there is not a tomorrow

Dear Boy,

04.19.10 Time:7:42pm

Dear Boy,
Why are you so stupid and confusing? Do you enjoy playing games and hurting girls? Why can't you just be ther guy I met? What happened to that sweet, funny and shy guy I met that late spring night? This persona you want people to percieve is hurtful. This uncaring and distant person causes my heart to ache. I know you're playing me, but why can't you let me change your mind? Sometimes having a relationship can entail more than just sex. You can talk and actually enjoy each others company. You can hold hands and kiss, and leave it at that. Why are you contradicting everything I've been taught? Why can't you like me for me and want to be with me for me, not my body? I don't want a physical relationship. Why are you pressuring me to do things I don't want to do? Well I do, I just don't want to deal with the consequences afterwards. Boy, I actually like you, well I did, until you started with the 'player' behaviour. Did you know that me saying 'no' was one of the hardest things I've done and to have to continue to pressure and than change your ways toward me hurt immensely. I could've said yes. I could've fed into my raging hormones and pleased you. But I said no because I thought you'd respect me. I didn't want to be just another name to add to the list, just another number to talk about. Why don't you want a relationship? Why am I never enough? Why do you get pleasure out of another's pain? Do you enjoy using girls and throwing them away? I don't get you, Boy. I do all the right things, I say everything you want to hear, but still that is not enough. I am not enough. Why do you want to hurt me and let me hurt myself? Boy, I'm not stupid, I know the games you play. But I put up with it because I want you to be different. I want you to be the boy I met and the boy I know you can be. How can you go from one person to another so quickly? Boy, are you afraid? Afraid to get hurt? Have you been hurt before? Well, if you have I promise I won't hurt you. I've been hurt enough times to know not to do it to another. But you need to let me in. To let me show you I won;t hurt you. That I am different. Boy, I've been left by everyone I have ever loved, on way or another. That is why I won't leave without a fight. Please Boy, give me a chance to show you that I am different. Please let me in because i promise to you I'll be gentle. Please let me show you what you can be. Please, Boy.

Love,
An Everyday Girl